Mommy Be You

I have been going through so much change. I’m usually good at accepting change, but it’s also difficult at the same time. Not only that, but I keep saying how things are going to get better, but at the same time I’m tired of having to go through the same crap again all over and knowing that things will get better even though it’s just come back in a circle again. The last couple of months Iv been working and went from part-time to full time to then only coming in two days a week. Which sucks, but my husband makes the most money than me, and so I had to change my schedule, so he can work. Ever since then I haven’t liked it as much, I enjoyed being at my job. I’m in a situation where I’m just sad, and I hate feeling like that, cause when I’m sad I tend to get angry at the people that I love.

I’m tired of being broke, and I know numerous people hate being broke. I’m tired of my kids not listening to me, I’m tired of struggling to raise my kids and I’m tired mentally and there’s so much going on in my life. I have a tendency to keep my chaos life in my head and let it pile. Not only that, but I will explode into tears and sadness, and I’m trying hard not to pile my emotions in a box. Iv done that since I was a child, I never felt comfortable talking about my feelings and what’s on my chest. For once, I just want to be neutral, I would rather not be at a high or a low, just in the middle. I know good things come when you don’t expect it, but man! How I would like some good things to happen right about now.

I love where I have reached, and I know I got more ways to go. Iv realized that I enjoy working, and I enjoy being with my family. I’m a very go go person, I don’t want to be laying round doing nothing. I want to get somewhere in life where I feel successful, of course everybody wants that. Don’t you just ever want to go in a straight line and not have to make so many turns in life? I want to be in a good place where I’m not worrying about money, I just want to get off this carousel and make my own path. My husband and I have talked about moving into a different state, and I’m all for it because I feel that it will be something new for all of us, and we just need to start fresh next year cause the end of 2021 up till now has been awful, and I don’t want that anymore.

I’m good at accepting change but not in a way where if something bad happens, and you come back positive from it, and then you come back to the same bad happening again, and it’s like oh great here we go again, and it’s tiring. When will we learn to go straight and keep moving forward. There’s no taking a stop or I can’t do this etc. No, don’t stop, don’t give up cause when you give up you have to start right where you left off and it sucks. It’s like a game and trying to get to the next level and that me, where my husband keeps having to try again on the level. I love my husband 100% but there are something’s that just really frustrates me.

I hope everyone is having a perfect day and enjoying where there at in life and if anyone is struggling I’m right there with ya, everything will be okay.